The Darkest Path
by SSjwave
Summary: "I can't remember what happened, I feel disgusted with myself". "I don't deserve her."
1. Chapter 1

I remember looking into her eyes. I remember not knowing if i heard correctly. I can't remember my reaction.

_I failed her_

_I couldn't stop this_

_I am a monster_

I remember waking up next to her, like i always do. I remember having looking at her like she was the only person to exist.

_She is the person that only exist_

I am a cop and I couldn't believe I did this. I stumble inside some shitty bar in some town. It's not to crowded and I am happy for that fact. I spot a stool by the bar and i sit down to drown my sorrows. I tell the bartender that I want bourbon.

"Here you go… and if you need to talk…" the bartender says as he hands me my drink. The bartender didn't know anything else to say. He looked awkward and uncomfortable around me. The bartender is a young man, looks like he is straight out of college type of man. I watch him as he walks away to other customers.

I drowned the first drink so fast that I almost threw up. I usually can hold my liquor without having any problems. For fuck sake I am a cop, I have to keep my shit together. I have to in my personal life and my professional.

_You couldn't keep your shit together with her._

_You selfish bastard_

_You failed her_

_You make me sick_

I try to drown out the voices that are consuming my mind. I keep asking the bartender for more drinks over and over again.

**11:00 P.M**

The bar is almost empty, but there is still stragglers inside the bar. A pair of arms wrap themselves around me. I tense up immediately, ready to take down the asshole who decided it would be funny to mess with me but when that person starts to speak, I relax.

Its korsak, Vince Korsak, my old partner.

"Come on, let's get you out of here."

I am too drunk to argue, Vince literally carries me to the car and drives to me home. My wife is looking at me when we arrive at my house and I can tell she has been crying and it just makes me more disgusted with myself about me. I glance at her, only once. I feel ashamed to even have the privileged to even look at her. I have the feeling I'm going to throw up.

_You failed her_

_You're disgusting._

_You don't deserve her_

_You should have let Hoyt kill you._

Vince helps me out of the car and I stumble in my house drunk and land on the couch. Korsak left me with my wife. All alone, just me and her.

I didn't keep my guard up. I'm supposed to be Jane Rizzoli, the cop who took down infamous serial killer Charles Hoyt. I'm supposed to be this person of unquantifiable prowess as a cop. What I did was unforgivable. What I did, what **I **did was just unforgivable.

_You are a monster_

_You deserve nothing_

I hit my wife and I don't even know how or when it happened.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up with the biggest hangover i have ever had. I remember drinking but I don't remember how much. I remember voices in my head. I remember **him** appearing in my head, taunting me as if i was some defenseless being to be toyed with.

_You are __**Nothing!**_

The voices were coming back and I didn't know how to shut them out. My mind and body are exhausted from fighting. I keep reminding myself that he doesn't and I had killed him so many years ago.

_4 years ago_

"Come on Jane, scream no one can hear you, no one will save you" Hoyt said as he took the whip and lashed it against my back. I remember feeling so much agonizing pain that i was just ready to die. I was ready to die.

I had almost truly given up.

_Maura_

The love of my life. The reason of me living was the only thing keeping me from truly letting darkness take over my mind. I thought i was ready to give up.

Charles Hoyt was the most sadistic serial killer Boston had ever seen and I was about to die and not be able to see Maura.

Hoyt put down the whip and move on to a steel pipe that is sitting on the table across from me. He walked over to me with it and had this sinister grin on his face. He moved closer and whispered something in my ear that sent chills down my spine.

"Maura will never love you, Maura will always hate you, look at yourself, you are pathetic. When I'm done with you I will go after her, and I make her scream and beg for me. I will touch every inch of her body and claim her as mine"

I tried to keep my emotions in check, but he knew that would get to me. I was a fucking cop and I was trained to not show fear for this asshole or any other asshole that I had to deal with. If I was going to die, I was not going to give him the satisfaction of him seeing me beg and plead for my life. I was going to go out the way I wanted to, not his way.

_My way_

I spit in his face and when I did that the grin on his face faded as a grin on my face appeared. He winds up like he at a batting cage holding a bat and is about to hit a ball. Only this time he is holding a steel pipe and I don't know where he is going to hit. His first strike is the most painful one, but I don't let out a scream. I grind on my teeth so viciously into my lip that I start to taste blood. Hoyt keeps looking at me, waiting for me to give him what he wants. He wants me to give him a toe curling scream and have me at his mercy.

The strikes keep coming to my stomach and my back. I am hanging from a ceiling hook and rope is tied around my wrist. I am topless, but I am thankful that I am not naked right now. Blood is oozing out of my wounds from his earlier beatings. He has sliced through my skin with an assortment of knives like I was some animal.

What he didn't know that I had a plan to get out of here. My secret trump I had a knife tucked in my jacket earlier. When he was done undressing me and turned his back to get his weapons, I had quickly grabbed it and had been cutting the rope to try to get free.

That moment of freedom has come.

The final cut that sets me free and I stumble on to the ground. I will never forget his face. He was shocked, but more angry at me for getting free and his carelessness. I rush him with the knife in my hand. I don't remember feeling any pain from my injuries that I had sustained and I remember the adrenaline that was coursing through my body.

I stabbed him

I stabbed him over and over again. The sadistic joy that I felt as each stabbed sliced through his skin and as the blood drowned over my hands. It was like a fountain that would stop going.

As he was dying he said his last words to me

"You will always remember me….."

I felt his body go slack against mine but I wasn't done yet. I looked at him to see that he had not actually died but he was really close to it. I grabbed the earlier weapons he had used on me and made him suffer. I beat him over and over again. Blood was coming out of his mouth and I could hear the gurgling sounds as he was dying.

"I BEAT YOU AT YOUR OWN GAME!" I screamed at him. I said those words over and over again. I checked to make sure he was dead and he was. I walk away from his body to search for my clothes. I finally see my shirt laying on the floor and put it on. I hear police sirens outside and thinking they had finally found me. Vince Korsak and Barry Frost burst into the warehouse Hoyt had kept me in. The didn't know what to say. The scene they had walked in was disturbing and I could tell just by looking at them. They could only utter one word.

"Jane.."

**Present Time**

I slowly get up from the couch and search for my keys to my car so I can leave. I look everywhere and I can't remember where I had put them. I go into the kitchen and when I walk in my heart stops and guilt immediately consumes my mind.

Maura is standing in the kitchen in a silk black robe that reaches mid-thigh and I can see her…

_NO!_

I don't deserve to have these thoughts in my head. I have lost that right. I really look at her this time and I can see the black eye and the bruises on her wrist that I had given her.

"Where are my keys" I ask her. I couldn't even sound confident when saying that. I was so defeated and so ashamed at myself that barely whispered it to her.

"I hid them"

I don't get angry but I need to leave her so she is safe from me. Maura is a very perceptive when it comes to certain things. Maura knows me to damn well. She knows what I'm thinking at this very moment

I hate that

"**Give me the keys!" **

I am starting to get angry. I am not mad at her but at myself. I fooled myself that I could be good for her.I have to leave. Does she not know that? I stumble towards her and my anger subsides as I really look at her. The black eye I gave her is prominently showing and I can't take my eyes of it. Maura tells me to sit down and I do because I am too exhausted to continue. She pulls her robe tighter around herself and I can tell she has been thinking a lot. When she does look at me, I can see this determined look on her face

"Jane I want to talk about what happened last night"


End file.
